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Beat The Heat

During the 2014 NBA Finals, friend of Project Spurs, John Karalis of Reds Army, will be helping the site cover the Spurs’ run for title No. 5.

[The lights come up on a stage.  On the wall hangs a patchwork banner made from the rally flags of 29 NBA teams. After a moment, the slow thump of men’s shoes is heard off-stage, getting louder as its owner moves closer.  When he finally enters the light, you see that he’s thrown a George Gervin #44 Spurs jersey over what appears to be green Celtics gear.  He stops center stage, turns to the crowd, clears his throat, and begins]

Ladies and gentlemen of San Antonio.  Misters Popovich, Duncan, Ginobili, Parker, and all members of the San Antonio Spurs team, management, and ownership.  I am here to deliver an urgent message on behalf of the fans of 28 other NBA teams.

Beat the Miami Heat.

I was not specifically chosen to represent the millions of fans of these other teams.  There is a percentage of fans, specifically those within a modest drive from your fair city, who may wish your team ill in these Finals.  But I am the one who is here, and I carry a message from an overwhelming majority of fans. It is quite clear:

Beat the Miami Heat.

We are not calling for it out of mere preference.  It’s not simply that we prefer to see someone other than Miami Heat win.

It is necessity.  This is mandatory.

For the common good.  For the sake of humanity.  For everything that is good and holy in this world.  We cannot rest until it happens.

Beat the Miami Heat.

The Spurs are just the team to do it, too.  You are team that was built, not bought, for this moment.  No team outside of the 60’s Boston Celtics has experienced this level of sustained greatness.  No team has ever culled from this entire earth’s natural basketball resources a series of gems quite like yours.  Your coach is less mortal strategist than he is surly God.  And Tim Duncan is, well, Tim Duncan… the perfectly unassuming star for this unassuming team; the type of guy who’ll somehow meander his way towards near monster double-doubles full of bank shots and rebounds corralled while jumping two inches off the ground.

But even after all this time, these Spurs are not fully appreciated by the masses.  But they could be, if they do one thing.

Beat the Miami Heat.

No one on your team has some ridiculous app, which is advertised every five minutes.  Rooting for LeBron James is like rooting for Exxon against gulf coast wildlife.  It’s like rooting for Walmart over that corner store that’s been open since your grandmother was a little girl.  It’s like rooting for Budweiser over a growler of Hopasaurus Rex from the Freetail Brewing Company.

LeBron is corporate America’s submission to sports consciousness.  He might as well play in a NASCAR fire suit plastered with logos.  He is the 1%.

The Spurs?  They hawk cranberry sauce and laundry detergent for H-E-B.  They’re wholesome.  They’re the team you bring home to momma.

No one on your team just “happens” to be around so many opponent’s injuries.  Rooting for Dwyane Wade is like rooting for the plague to return.  Wade is the sneakiest dirty player this league has ever seen, but make no mistake, he’s dirty.  He nearly broke Rajon Rondo’s arm in two, he bloodied Kobe Bryant in the All Star game, he blatantly kicked Ramon Sessions in the nuts, and he nearly knocked Paul George out of the playoffs.  But Wade has this sneaky way about being dirty.  Like when he elbowed Lance Stephenson in the head, for example.  Wade has mastered “plausible deniability,” where he can hurt other players in a way that almost makes it look accidental.  Mob hit men are jealous at how good he is at making intentional harm look like an accident.

But it’s never an accident.  He can always avoid it.  He just doesn’t, because he’s become the league’s dirtiest player.  This menace has three championship rings.  He cannot get a fourth.  He cannot… he MUST not… catch Tim Duncan.  He won’t, if you can do one thing.

Beat the Miami Heat.

No one in the stands leaves when the game is still in question, at all.  No one in San Antonio received a “guide to fandom”.  No one who knows what Loop 410 and Loop 1604 are has a Bulls hat as a backup for when Derrick Rose gets healthy, or a Cavs hat just in case LeBron goes back, or Lakers hat because KOBE!!!, or any other freakin hat because it’s GO SPURS GO and…. that’s…. it.

Spurs fans own Spurs gear.  Spurs fans are Spurs fans.  Win this series, and some Heat fans will become Spurs fans.  That’s how they roll.  But they won’t if you can just…

Beat the Miami Heat.

Above all else, San Antonio, you have the opportunity to slay the beast once and for all.  You won’t just beat back the oncoming marauders for one more season only to watch them return for another assault on the castle.  This very well could be Miami’s last run.

Assuming Wade, James, and Chris Bosh all pick up their player options, they’d be only three of four players guaranteed to return next year, and those four would almost max out the salary cap.  Their team could be a wreck in the coming years with a lack of depth or chemistry needed to truly contend.

San Antonio has the launch codes.  The Spurs can blow this thing up.

In the mean time, the Spurs have a chance to rise to the most elite of elite levels.  Mentioned in the same breath as the most immortal of franchises.

This is about the Spurs asserting their dominance as this generation’s transcendent team.  This is about Tim Duncan etching his own damn face into Mt. Rushmore.  This is about Tony Parker getting up in people’s faces and demanding a seat at the “best point guards ever” table.  It’s about Manu Ginobili once and for all ending any question about his Hall of Fame credentials.  It’s about the Spurs showing that this is what champions are truly made of… getting knocked down, getting up, and getting your revenge by knocking that other guy the F out.

SportsCenter. Sports Illustrated.  Writers and bloggers.  Everyone will be forced to recognized once and for all the utter dominance of this Spurs franchise.

You’ve just got one thing left to do.

Beat the Miami Heat.

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