What happens when two bloggers from opposing teams, rivals even, get together to discuss a rumored trade?
But this isn’t your typically overused NBA commercial. I got together with Greg Esposito, the Sr. Content Director at Fanster and huge Suns fan. We wanted to try to imagine what the exchange would be like between R.C. Buford and Steve Kerr in negotiating a trade for Amare Stoudemire.
Michael De Leon (as R.C. Buford): So obviously the Spurs are going more and more away from being a defensive-oriented team. With that in mind, the Suns seem to come up first as possible trade partners. DeJuan Blair is great but he isn’t a center. So, how about a truly athletic big man like Amare. He’s obviously gifted on the offensive end and he won’t waste much effort on the defensive end. So which player or players on the Spurs’ end would we have to give up to get a player like Amare?
Greg Esposito (as Steve Kerr): You, the San Antonio Spurs, want Amare Stoudemire? You can have him when you pry him from our cold dead hands. Or in exchange for cap relief, draft picks and a young talent (and we use that term loosely). I’d love to play hardball but I think our situation is pretty obvious. Amare can walk and we aren’t willing/don’t have the cash to give him the max.
Wow me with an offer that fits those perameters because, honestly, talking about a trade with you is like Obi Wan Kanobi talking with Darth Vader about trading Luke Skywalker to the dark side for a few new light sabers and a storm trooper to be named later.
MD: Yes, but a few years ago that Storm Trooper to be named later could have been the draft rights to DeJuan Blair. There is the matter of the $17 million Amare makes a year. Since Richard Jefferson seems to be a bust of a signing and the Suns apparently love overpaying for underperforming talent (Shaq) why not send him over to Phoenix. He already shows no effort on the defensive end of the floor so he’d fit in perfectly in Planet Orange. So how about Jefferson and the rights to Viktor Sanikidze. We can get it into the sim league office today. Let me know what you think and then I’ll give you a ring back…wait, this is Phoenix, land of no rings. What do your phone’s do?
GE: Funny thing happens, every time the phone looks like it’s going to ring in Phoenix some guy in a black and silver shirt with a 5 on the back throws it into the table and busts it up. Damnedest thing. So let’s just stick to email.
Right now we don’t need any additional overpaid busts. Jason Richardson is holding down that spot on the roster. By the way, do you have any interest in an Amare Stoudamire-Jason Richardson package? We’d love to give you both of them. How about Jeferson, Ginobli and Blair for Amare and J-Rich?
We trade busts, a fresh start could do wonders for both. Our medical staff can rejuvenate DeJuan Blair’s knees and make him a nice replacement for Stoudemire. You get new “twin towers” and keep the championship window open. We can put Ginobli out in front of the arena and use him like one of those cars high school students mash at homecoming. Sounds like a win-win for everybody and I checked the numbers and it works.
MD: No deal. DeJuan Blair is untouchable right now. We really have no need for Richardson either since we already have Manu, Mason and George Hill. Back to Stoudemire. I’m hearing in the press you may want a draft pick, an expiring contract and another player. So how about you reunite Michael Finley with Steve Nash, we’ll throw in a future draft pick and you can take your pick from either Jefferson or Manu?
GE: Sure, the press has said that. The problem is, if I send you Stoudemire, any draft pick I get in return will be a late first rounder. If I’m going to hand you a title, I want to do it in a way that I don’t look like the next Chris Wallace. Especially since I know Mitch Kupchak and you sir are no Mitch Kupchak. That man could charm the pants off a horse, or at least a subpar NBA GM.
Here’s my offer, I’ll agree to a deal including Manu, Finley, Boner, getting my #25 jersey retired, shared custody of the Alamo and the 2007 championship banner. No draft pick needed if you agree that I can have 24 hours with Stoudemire and you agree to wave his physical (I need to practice my Three Stooges moves).
I’m even willing to throw in an autographed copy of Paul Shirley’s updated book “Can I Keep My Jersey in Exchanged for My Common Sense?”, an autographed copy of Barkley hitting the game winning jumper over David Robinson in game six of the 1993 playoffs, we’ll remove any record of Mario Elie or Robert Horry ever playing here (you can have them both) and, the best part of it all, a copy of our 2010 cheerleader calendar.
Let me know…
MD: It all sounded great until the shared custody of the Alamo and the 2007 banner. I’m fine with retiring your jersey. After all, they retired Avery Johnsons. I’ve had Shirley’s book on my Amazon wishlist for some time now and that calendar would go to some good use, but I have some other options in mind. How about Matt Bonner and Michael Finley, the Silver Dancers and Belinda Snell for Jared Dudley, the Suns Dancers, Cappie Pondexter and that Shirley book. Oh and we’ll let your entire team have a two practices a year in the AT&T Center so they’ll know what those banners that hang up in arenas are for.
GE: An enticing offer, but I’d have a tough time parting with the dancers. I’ll tell you what, I’ve got Pat Reily on the other line and he’s offering a time share in South Beach, some hair gel, Jermaine O’Neal, a first and a certified letter that officially removes the Shaq deal from the record books. I just think that combination will do more to make me popular with the fans here in Phoenix than what we’re discussing.
I’ll give you a call back if it falls through. If we can’t do a deal for Amare, maybe we can send you Jarron Collins in exchange for that retired number.
MD: Keep Collins. Send us one Suns Dancer that we’ll keep the AT&T Center cameras on and use in all of our promo material and your number is as good as retired. We’ll put together a ceremony and everything. Of course if Roger Mason hitting the Xmas day shot comes on or Tim Duncan hitting the 3 video comes on the jumbotron, that’s out of my control. We’ll make you feel like a champion again, because that’s not likely to happen in Phoenix. All I need is your signature, and I’ll see if we can get this up to the league office before closing time today.
GE: Done deal. The fax is on it’s way.
Thanks to Greg for reaching out to me and agreeing to do this. Sure, he’s a Suns fan, but don’t be too hard on him. He was born that way. Make sure to read his latest on Fanster and you can follow him on twitter as well.